let's have tea in the MASTURBATORY!

HEY! ALL YOU HELOTS, YOU ZEALOTS, YOU PELOPONNESIANS, YOU LEKADEAMONS.
ALL OF LEONIDAS’S ARMY! LET’S GET BARMY!
Errr whoops. Sorry wrong pep talk.
MISTRESSES, HAREM CONGREGATION. You are a flock of superior kind. Your zeal would make St. John Rivers clap and jump up and down in approval. Or at least nod fervently, colour high on his cheeks. Your dedication, friendliness and good cheer, shown so voraciously each week never ceases to leave me and my fellow Reverend speechless. Sometimes, I think of us as a super-cool, quaffed 50s street gang, a bit like that:

But I think we might be a bit more like this:


But substituting mambo with porn.


MY FELLOW REVEREND AND I WOULD LIKE YOU TO WELCOME TO YET ANOTHER SUNDAY SERVICE. Whether you are returning for yet another mass to sustain your mortal soul or whether you, led by curiosity or the illuminating light of porn, are here to experience the service for the first time. I would like to issue a warm warm welcome to ALL. EVERYONE WHO KNOCKS WILL BE WELCOME. ALWAYS.





( O di immortales! )

HA. SO AFTER MUCH ADO WITH CAIUS (MY LOVELY LAPTOP) AND FINALLY FIXING THE MOTHERFUCKA'
I thought I'd post something cheery :) or well, porny. In my head porn and cheer are somewhat on the synonymous side of things. YER KEN WHAT I MEAN?. 'cause porn brings me cheer? I dunno, it's a Pavlovian reaction.

SO ANYWAY, this load of recs sticks out a bit like a sore thumb if I'm honest, OR WELL LIKE MARCUS and HIS FLUUFEH HELMET ( love it so much! it's multi-functional too! you can brush the floor with it). some of them might be rather known and some seem simply underrated SO. I AIM TO REMEDY THAT. THERE'S A WEE BIT OF HET IN THIS TOO SO I'LL POST WHAT IS WHAT TO AVOID CONFUSION.

the Eagle
SLASH. PG-13 Lions by onelittlesleep. some manly sparring, with long, longing looks. I absolutely love the sticky hot ust and tension of this little piece. UTTERLY DELICIOUS.
( \"I don't care," Marcus says angrily, "Do not submit in pity.\" )

SLASH. NC-17 OR R. I'm not too good with rating. In my debauched case it's always not high enough.
In which a leg massage leaves Marcus wanting more by aleathiel does exactly what it says on the box and it's a shameless but oh god hot-panting-earth PWP that has toppy Esca and a secretly subby Marcus. WHICH IS MY FAVOURITE THING IN THE WOOORLD. APART FROM TRIFLE. MMMM LEMON TRIFLE.
( “Your uncle sent me to you,” Esca said, leaning almost insolently against the massage table. “Would you like wine?” )

ANYGAYS. I DIGRESS.
SLASH. PG-13 Dulcius ex Asperis by merle_p is not your average fluffy boys-are-being-silly postmovie! fic. it's much more realistic I think, and bittersweet, but beautiful nevertheless. It's also one of the earlier fics written in the fandom and I feel it is sadly overlooked.
( Dulcius Ex Asperis )

SLASH. LIGHT R. Courtship of Fools? Is that the official title? it's by temperance_k and while I thought that EVERYONE KNEW ABOUT THIS FIC CAUSE IT'S SO FREAKING ADORABLE, Jaxie told me that she in fact did not (she's podficcing it btw and I'm super-excited). BASICALLY. Marcus sucks at being a sugar daddy (but he means well):
( Marcus means well when he gets Esca things- he\'s just not very good at it )

SLASH. NC-17. THE EAGLE RODEO AU PWP. yes you have heard correctly. by onelittlesleep NOW I CAN'T SAY IT'S RIDICULOUS BECAUSE HELLO I WROTE A PENGUIN FIC BUT IT IS UNUSUAL AND AMAZING
( YEEHAW! )


YOU KNOW. MY FEELINGS ABOUT COTTIA ARE REALLY REALLY *MIXED* and I have to tell ya, I sort of breathed a sigh of relief that she was excluded from the movie (but then I've read the original script and realized that they were brilliant enough not to have made her POTENTIAL WIFE and kept her blunt and awesome). Anyway, regardless of my feelings towards book!verse Cottia, I absolutely love how fanfic exploits her existance SO HERE, HAVE SOME HET.


HET. NC-17. No More Mine Than Yours by lolafeist was something of an epiphany. I could hear the angelic choirs ahead. Though that might have been cause I was on the VERGE OF PASSING OUT FROM THE HOTNESS OF THIS. seriously guys, nothing will prepare you for how hot this is. IT'S FIERCE, GOD.
( No More Mine Than Yours )


WTF AM I DOING AWAKE? MORE RECS DEMORRA