let's have tea in the MASTURBATORY!

FARMHANDS CONGREGATION, I apologise, once more for the delay but the Reverend has passed out yesterday, embarrassingly early, after a day of frolicking in the Canadian tundra and moose chariot-racing. My fellow Reverend and I are proud to say that we are still striving to make it a national sport over here but I'm afraid it might still be a close call with hockey. I fail to understand the appeal, why have sticks when you can have antlers? 
Flock, ever since Reverend ladytiferet and I have decided to quit our devotion to the Gods of Porn and become Happy Gay and Reverential Farmers, things have been tough and entirely not how we imagined. Instead of cute baby goats we have a horde of fugly-arse dogs that puke further than they can see.  Not all is lost however, as we have turned the place around into an idyllic porn gateaway, playing hosts to the brilliant, crème de la crème of The Eagle pornography lallyloo
planejaneand tracy7307​.  Porn has been read (and *ahem* a certain someone with a hot English accent should totally make a podfic *ahem*), porn has been watched, vodka has been consumed, shots have been done and porn has been written. In the words of the Borg, we have become one in the Collective and the porny deities have been temporarily appeased with Curiosity
We had a smashin' time and it was heartbreaking how quickly we had to part. But I hope that The Eagle Porn Getaway Crew will be reunited once more before long. I would like to dedicate this mass to those lovely, fabulous, brilliant ladies and to my beautiful fellow Reverend, who is well, herself. And that is more than enough. 

AMAZONS AND OTHER BEAUTIFUL CREATURES, your Reverends are known for many things. For their fervour, general obnoxiousness, loudness and BLATANT impropriety. Sadly, time-keeping is not one of those things. Which is why this Reverend right here is left once again to PROFUSELY  apologize for the gross neglect the masses have recently been met with. Unfortunately, I do not think scrawling 'COULD NOT REVISE FOR RELIGIOUS/BLASPHEMOUS REASONS' on the cover page of my exam would have secured me a pass. Though then again, I might have as well have written than. It would break the flow of bullshit I ended up settling for nicely. Exams might be over and done with but sadly higher education still seems intent on ruining my life. However, enough about me. I hope that the most tragic hiatus the Sunday Service had to suffer, has not send you into throes of despair. OR WORSE, purity. Urgh, I dread to think of you, my beautiful dirty-minded flock, all sparkly and shiny and *pure* in your white robes. IT IS A FRIGHTFUL AND FORBIDDING IMAGE. 
I am filled with hope that this dark scenario has not taken place and that you shall come floating in with your usual enthusiasm. I'd also like to assure you that from this Sunday on, we're right back on schedule. 

AND AGAIN, THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES AND FICS AND ART. YOU MAKE ME FEEL ABASHED WITH ALL THE LOVE. I AM BUT THE HUMBLE SERVANT OF THE PEOPLE. ENTIRELY UNWORTHY OF YOUR PASSIONATE AFFECTION. AND YET YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A MONARCH. CROWN AND COAT ALL IN TOW. 

MY LOVELIES ♥
I have indented to withhold Sunday Service due to the holidays, I ken youse all are busy and well, if you're like me you are probably *marinated* in spirits of all kinds and drifting in and out the state of pure sloshedness, but my darling Reverend companion ladytiferet smartly noted; there's a time when you need a break from family or else you commit murder. And well, we'd hate to see youse, dear congregation, behind bars. UNLESS IT'S A SEXY DUNGEON, THAT IS.

I hope that this shall keep you out of trouble and add some points to my score with Santa. He seems to think that kinky wishlists are to be frowned upon. I MOST CERTAINLY THINK NOT.

Flock, I hope you are having magnificent holidays, be then denominational or non-denominational. I hope you're with your loved ones, that you laugh and drink and sing and eat so much you will have to be rolled around in a wheel-barrow for the next couple of days.
I would also like to issue special thanks to my beautiful fellow Reverend, for everything really. She knows what she does. And yes, being online when I wake up in the middle of the night, somewhere between cold sober and pished drunk, is one of those things.